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  • The State of Affairs

  • Rethinking Infidelity
  • By: Esther Perel
  • Narrated by: Esther Perel
  • Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
  • 4.9 out of 5 stars (548 ratings)

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The State of Affairs

By: Esther Perel
Narrated by: Esther Perel
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Publisher's Summary

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity, providing the insight we so desperately need to help us move beyond a simplistic discussion.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, have the prohibitions against it - in fact adultery has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honoured taboo - universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat? When we say 'infidelity', what exactly do we mean? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern love. For the past 10 years, she has worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she argues, but healing is possible. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, couples can learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Weaving real-life stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis, Perel invites listeners into a truly revealing exploration of modern marriage.

©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic Reviews

"Beautiful. A brilliantly intelligent plea for complexity, understanding, and - as always - kindness." (Alain de Botton)
"Esther Perel does nothing short of strip us of our deepest biases, remind us of our purpose in connecting as lovers, and save relationships that might otherwise sink into the sea-all with even-handed wisdom, fresh morality, and wise prose. Thank heavens for this woman." (Lena Dunham, author of Not That Kind of Girl)

What listeners say about The State of Affairs

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Fantastic

An incredible insight into infidelity. It completely challenged and widened my understanding of how we view infidelity and it's repercussions.

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3 people found this helpful

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No Holds Barred

As a therapist and as person in relationship, this book is a wonderful challenge and an education in the way to re think our views on the way in which we relate in intimacy.

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sooo helpful

I loved the way this book gave such diverse examples and flexible solutions. It is truly helpful for anyone in a marriage not just those dealing with affairs.

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The Potential to save your relationship

As a middle age man in a 20 year happy marriage, I'm amazed at how well the author articulates feelings I have, but have never understood myself. The book is full of excellent real life stories that you can relate to.

Everyone in a relationship or about to enter a new one should read this.

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Fascinating look at infidelity

I like Esther Perel a lot and although nothing here is groundbreaking, her expertise and non-judgmental viewpoint make for an interesting look at infidelity from a sexual, cultural and psychological perspective.

The case studies are varied with examples from straight, gay and polyamorous relationships.

All in all a fascinating and necessary look at infidelity and why it’s here to stay...

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Brilliant

Insightful, wise, inspirational ... a refreshing perspective on both marriage and infidelity. A great study of human nature.

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Clever, insightful and enlightening!

Esther offers us a little window into couples life through the lens of infidelity.
It offers such an insightful and more compassionate way to look at infidelity.
A book everyone should read and hopefully it will help opening the conversation about this topic.

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Excellent book

I enjoyed this book and the storyteller bro f Esther was wonderful
Excellent and well written

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Good listen.

Love that she talks about the different generations of relationships at the start of the book. She tells multiple different scenarios and stories you are bound to relate to one or if not more of them. Great listen & opens your perspective.

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Esther just gets better

I was fearful of this journey, I'm glad it was you who led me through it.

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