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  • The Dance of Deception

  • A Guide to Authenticity and Truth Telling in Women's Relationships
  • By: Harriet Lerner PhD
  • Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
  • Length: 2 hrs and 59 mins
  • 4.1 out of 5 stars (8 ratings)

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The Dance of Deception

By: Harriet Lerner PhD
Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
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Publisher's Summary

When The Dance of Deception was published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common response.

We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deception unravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real - even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave - but misguided - efforts to tell the truth.

Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty", we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.

Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn - for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork first.

Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of "being oneself", Lerner helps us to discover, speak, and live our own truths.

©1993 Harriet Lerner, PhD (P)2004 HarperCollins Publishers

What listeners say about The Dance of Deception

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Tedious

I found it difficult to 'see' past the narrators voice which engendered a sense of tedium to this book. I could not bring myself to hear it out in its entirety

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Did I miss something

I have to listen again I feel like it was a bit disjointed and not as much info on the dynamics behind deception as some of her other books

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Interesting but confusing at times

This audiobook provided some interesting insights into deception, the different names we have for deception as both a destructive and protective tool, and those forms of societal and self-deception women have been taught to internalise via a patriarchal system.

Lerner provided the reading for this book in her usually engaging and approachable manner, and a number of the stories and perspectives she provided were truly interesting.

Where I feel this book falls apart a bit is that I do not get the same sense of a coherent and structure argument as I have received from The Dance of Anger.
Lerner generally seems to leave a lot of the decision making about how to address deception in our personal and public lives to the listener, which is great since I honestly appreciate her non-prescriptive tone. However, I feel that the exposé on how women, via patriarchal instruments, are affected by deception, was a bit lost in some waffle on different understandings of deception. In short, I feel she tried to cover a bit too much, but overall still provided an excellent book.

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