• When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

  • By: George Carlin
  • Narrated by: George Carlin
  • Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Release date: 13-10-2004
  • Language: English
  • Publisher: Hyperion AudioBooks
  • 4 out of 5 stars 3.8 (4 ratings)

Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.
He also has a silly side:

You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc. (P)2004 Hyperion
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Critic Reviews

Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
2005 Quill Award Nominee
Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005
"There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)
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Regular price: $37.42

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
2 out of 5 stars
By Graeme on 22-04-2015


a master of comedy but a disappointing book. moments of genius amid a torrent of random thoughts and ranting. I wanted to return it but hadn't figured out how. sorry georget

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1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Dana Wolfe on 10-07-2005


I loved this book, I own it in hardback, cd audio book, and am about to download it in "audible" format for my ipod.

Like most things I love, it seems people either love or hate this book, with no middle ground. I think a simple "not for practicing Christians, or people of deeply held religious beliefs" label might solve this problem.

In short, if you are an atheist, or just sick of the religious right, this book is one of the funniest ever. I've listened to it many times and I love it just as much as the first time I heard it. If you are a Christian with strongly held beliefs, or just uncomfortable with jokes at religions expense, especially Christianity, then download something else, and leave the Carlin to us heathens. We will take your share happily.

I am an atheist, and I laughed nonstop through this book, as it stomped on sacred cows, ranted and poked society in all the places you "are not supposed to make fun of/suppposed to talk about" It leaves no stone unturned digging for moralist hypocracy, and it shows.

The best review of any book that really shakes people and hits them where they live is its measure of how many people people go out of their way to write slanderous reviews in hopes of discouraging others from hearing the ideas within.

In the end its a book of ideas, and if you don't like the ideas, you won't like the book. I loved it, I think its his best yet and I really hope he lives to write many more. I can't wait to see how he tops this one!
Tak a#344

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30 of 36 people found this review helpful

4 out of 5 stars
By Heather on 19-11-2004

Laugh outloud funny...

I think the other people reviewing this book are missing the point. George Carlin is known for his fowl-mouthed inane humor and he certainly delivers in this book. The fact that he is the narrator just adds to the humor.
Not for the easily offended or persistently PC crowd.
C'mon everybody - lighten up!

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17 of 21 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Jason.W on 02-08-2017

The funniest man to ever live.

How could you possibly not love the late great George Carlin?
Hilarious, wise, and insightful, this man will never fail to entertain, inform and educate.

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1 of 1 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Jon Burkitt on 13-04-2017

Carlin was more than this World deserved

George Carlin was one of the greatest minds we had the pleasure to see into through works like this. I haven't read/heard his other books so there could be better, but this was very entertaining and as always with Mr. Carlin, thought provoking. A little dated in places, so if you weren't culturally aware at the time this was written it might be a little lost on you, but it's not severe. Buy it and enjoy. WWGCD.

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1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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