• I Don’t Care about Your Band

  • What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
  • By: Julie Klausner
  • Narrated by: Julie Klausner
  • Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Release date: 19-12-2012
  • Language: English
  • Publisher: Audible Studios
  • 5 out of 5 stars 4.8 (6 ratings)

Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.
I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.
Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."
I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.
By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.
©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By mendolynne on 30-05-2014

As flirty as a pleated skirt

Just loved this book. It kept me laughing throughout. Her fearless retelling of the myriad of relationships she's lived through was hilarious and illuminating. Her narration fit the material perfectly. Much like a brilliant night at a comedy club, to which I rarely get to go, this was a real treat. Massive collection of perfect one liners in this book. Ah, but there was some collateral damage—dumped the latest guy in my life. One of her tales matched mine exactly. She saved me much unneeded emotional kerfuffle. My heartfelt thanks Julie!

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8 of 8 people found this review helpful

4 out of 5 stars
By Guiselle on 19-01-2013

The morning after: Coffee with Klausner

I actually really liked this book for three main reasons:

First of all: the book is both written and narrated in a very close up, witty and informal manner which really drew me in from the start. It felt like I was sitting in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon with one of my funnier girlfriends, listening to her dish about her unfortunate love life. (This setup could either go very well or go terribly wrong, mind you...).

However, secondly and thankfully: Klausner is funny! No dramatic accounts, but what the Dutch like to call sweet/sour stories. Stories that make you see the absurd and comical in "common", sometimes sad, situations. Klausner delivers these stories with a great sense of comedic timing which made me both cringe and laugh out loud.

Third and most important of all, Klausner really knows how to juggle with words. I love it when books have (for lack of a better description) a balanced sequence of both words and sentences. This book felt a lot like that. Nice sentences, nice rhythm. Makes you want to read it on paper after you've heard it. Since I'm no writer, that's the best I can explain it. Nicely written.

So you're sitting over a latte with you're pal Klausner and she tells you all about these guys she's dated.. Sometimes she's pretty harsh and she tends to be a bit heavy handed with the gay and lesbian references (not in a negative way)... but she's funny, so you're laughing.

However, it is a pretty one sided conversation and Klausner's cleverly phrased stories may prompt you to hit the pause more than once or to go back 'cause you just missed on of the many jokes she's able to fit in a single sentence, but heck... You asked to be entertained and if that's what you're after, this will be a credit well spent!

One quick word of warning: her fast pace will keep you on your toes and sometimes it might tend to the frantic.

Four stars! Yay!

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5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
3 out of 5 stars
By mr on 23-12-2015

Calls the mentally ill 'crazy'

Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

Yes, fun & captivating.

Did the narration match the pace of the story?


If this book were a film would you go see it?

No, as too many separate stories and thus scenes.

Any additional comments?

I love the stories in this book, she tells them well too. Though more than a little offensive. Calls the mentally ill 'weird', 'crazy' & 'nuts. Uses offensive language like 'tranny'. And says people who self harm are after attention. I find this leaves a bitter taste in my mouth after reading the book.

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1 of 1 people found this review helpful

3 out of 5 stars
By Kris H. on 11-04-2018

Not what I was hoping for but passed the time

I was drawn to this book for what I saw as the promise of its title, that of a funny, personal deconstruction of straight dude's dating expectations. In reality it only briefly alludes to the "support your man in his hobby, but don't expect him to care about yours" double standard, and perhaps not even that explicitly. There are many missed opportunities to comment on gender expectations and less solidarity with other women than I would have hoped. Also watch out for casual transphobia, a few dull stereotypes, and arguably a bit of kink shaming.

Klausner is clearly clever and has some witty observations and funny stories to share, but the prose can get overwrought and plenty of dead-end details should have been cut in the edit. I had a good enough time listening to this in the background but it's getting returned.

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